Another Chapter Ending.....

This photo was taken of Jada when she was approximately 2 years old....sweet, sleeping baby......

My heart is so heavy with the thought of Jada graduating Kindergarten.  There is no ceremony, per say, but just knowing that my baby girl is growing SO quickly is so hard for me to handle.  It hurts my heart.  I'm thrilled that she has and continues to meet all her milestones, and is very advanced, but time is moving too quickly.  I want my girls to stay babies, needing their Mommy and wanting to do nothing but be with their Mommy.  I know it's being selfish, but I cannot help it.  It's just such a bittersweet situation.

We have reached the point where when we get home, Jada is breaking her neck to get out of the car to go get her little neighbor friend, and spends the entire evening playing with her.  I'm not saying I don't want her to have fun and play, but her interest in hanging out with her Mommy and snuggling is passing, which breaks my heart.  She was the center of my life for nearly 5 years prior to Kenya, and now I have two little souls that carry my heart, it's just hard to watch her spreading her wings.....without me.

And dear Kenya....her vocabulary has jumped leaps and bounds.  It seems nearly every word that my mouth utters, my little Pete is repeating!  She is just a little sponge with plenty of room to absorb!  She is amazing to watch develop, as was Jada , children are just miraculous little creatures!

And the dear fiance, yeah, he and I are NOT seeing eye to eye at this moment.  He determined, on his own, he would purchase another toy for himself.  So, he is now the proud owner of a 1981 Honda motorcycle!  He had sold the one he had a couple years ago, that tons of money went into, and now he's got another one.  I'm ready to pull my hair out.  My irritation isn't necessarily because he bought the bike, but how dangerous they are.  I know that he will be itching to be out on it, and unfortunately, I do nothing but worry while he's out riding.  And he, unfortunately, does not take my concern into account, and he doesn't call regularly to ease my worries.  It will be just yet another reason to be anxious!!!! 

And I'm determined to close another chapter in this book of my life...smoking.  This is going to be a battle for me, as I use it as a stress reliever, but when your 6 year old daughter asks daily when you're going to quit smoking, it's now not only for me, but for my girls.  So, after today, I'm done.  Brad had joined this fight as well, together, I hope we are able to be each others crutch and support!

We shall see how I'm doing first thing tomorrow morning!  I have faith in myself and will muster every bit of self control I need.....

Oh, the rashes....

Well, both girls have rashes on their cheeks...I'm assuming it's eczema, of which Jada has battled since she was little.  Their cheeks look so pitiful....I'm trying some cold cream and prescription cortizone, hoping it will go away with just that, if not, I suppose I'll be heading to the pediatrician.

Jada was quite angry with her Dad and I last night, as we would not let her swim.  We had errands to run, and truly, she doesn't need to be in chlorinated water again until we figure out the rash.  She just didn't understand, I'm sure it seemed to her we were trying to prevent her from having fun.  Poor girl. 

Kenya has started to cut her K9 teeth and Jada is cutting another set a molars, not sure which, but she's definitely getting some.  So, our house is bursting at the seems with toothaches....I foresee an early bedtime this evening.  It's supposed to storm, so hopefully that will help lull them to sleep a little early. 

I've been keeping up with the Casey Anthony case through Twitter, and I must say, her lack of emotion during the trial is really getting to me.  I cannot fathom the way I would feel, God forbid, something happen to one of my girls.  I just cannot even comprehend how she sits in the courtroom, almost daily, with little to no emotion.  She watches herself continue to lie on audio and video tapes, even after she has fessed up to some of her lies.  People amaze me. 

I understand she was young when she had her daughter, and maybe wanted to live a child free life, but there are places you take your children with no repercussions!  A fire department, hospital, a relative...I just cannot fathom how killing your child is your only possible out.  Of course, I'm assuming she is guilty, because that is the way I feel about the case.  I do not believe her falsities and can only imagine how I would feel if I had lost a child and KNEW I was innocent, on trial for murder.  I don't think I would be so calm, and I damn sure would be a mess, not composed. 

I'm really beginning to debate returning to school this fall.  I really would like to finish my last 5 classes to get my Bachelor's Degree and I know, in the end, it would benefit my family so much by me  finishing it.  I could most likely get a job somewhere I truly enjoy my work, and feel as if I'm truly helping people.  I just hate the thought of evening classes, and being away from the girls, but hopefully the classes would be late ones, starting at 7pm, so I would at least get to see them a couple hours.  I just feel as if that is an unclosed chapter in my book, and I truly want it.  I want to finish it, so I'm going to set out to see what classes I still need to finish it. 

I'm all over the place today...just randomness of my thoughts...

It's been so long since I've written, I feel like a kid learning to ride a bike without training wheels.  Hopefully soon, my thoughts will be more organized and cohesive.  I feel as if I ramble and ramble, for that, I apologize! 

Failed Intentions...

Not even a week into this blog, I feel as if I have failed with my intentions for it.  I did not realize life would escape from me so quickly as to not even be able to keep up with a blog.  I had intentions of writing nightly, to recap our days, however it seems once I get the girls to bed, I'm too tired or too lazy, to even consider blogging.  I must try harder, because there are going to be times I'm not going to have the time to blog from work, sadly.  I find weekends are especially difficult as I really try to focus on the girls, as this is the only uninterrupted time I have with them every week, and would feel guilty for sitting in front of the computer to blog rather than interact with them. 

Friday, June 3rd, Jada had her field day at school.  It was great to see her interact with her friends and watch her competitiveness.  She seemed to really enjoy her day...and then her and I went for lunch, just her and I.  I think this may have been her favorite part of the day....she has been asking for some Mommy time, and it worked out perfectly.

After Jada and I finished lunch, we took Kenya to her 18 month check-up (she's nearly a month late as her pediatrician decided he needed to be on vacation for the majority of May).  She is growing rapidly....she is weighing in at 23 lbs. 10 oz. (50th percentile) and is measuring 33 inches long (85th percentile)!!!!  Dr. Russell predicts Kenya will grow and trend as Jada has, and to look forward to another tall, lean machine!  Watch out world!!!!

We had a great family weekend this weekend...did a lot of nothing but hang out and let people come visit us!  This is a welcome change as it always seems as if we're the ones running around visiting and trying to find playmates for the girls.

They played in the pool and yard all weekend and just thoroughly enjoyed their time at home.  Some of the neighbor girls came and swam with Jada and she was even able to have a sleepover Saturday night with one of her girlfriends (Trinity, the neighbor's grand-daughter).  She was excited to be able to have Trinity stay the night and use her new trundle bed!  They were so tired from their running around all day Saturday, they were both sound asleep within 30 minutes of laying their little heads down.  Jada was invited to go to breakfast with Trinity and her family, and was excited to go, until it came time for her to leave.  She quickly changed her mind, and didn't want to go.  I will have to delve into that a little deeper as she told me a 16 year old boy was going to be going (a friend of Trinity's family) that Jada did not know, and was not interested in going because she did not want to be around any older kids.  I'm not sure what that's all about, I wanted to let her emotions die down about it before prodding for more information.

So, Jada will be out of kindergarten this Thursday, June 9th, and I'm having some fairly strong feelings about this...excitement, sadness, anxiousness, as I'm not ready for my baby to be in first grade!  She is overwhelmed with excitement for summer and her new adventure graduating into first grade, but it weighs heavy on Mommy's heart, as my little angel is growing up...bittersweet. 

Kenya, dear, sweet Kenya, was fused to my hip or heel this weekend.  She has become my little shadow that is in danger of being stepped on at every moment of everyday.  I have found that she will sneak up on me and I will not know she's behind me, I suppose I need to install a beeper on my behind, so she knows to watch out!!!!  She was a little tornado this weekend, she created mass chaos throughout the house with ripping everything she could get her little hands on, out of where it belongs.  She truly is developing her own little personality and character...she's proving to have a turbulent temper as well!  She does NOT like the word "No" being said to her I'm learning rather quickly.  Ms. Kenya has her own agenda these days and does not like when Mommy or Daddy try to interrupt her plan! 

My Mom (Mimi) was able to come by both days and spend a little time with us....it was so nice to have her there, the girls adore her about as much as I do!!!  And Brad didn't have tons of plans this weekend either, so it was nice having a full 48 hours or so of nothing but family time....with some friends stopping by. 

All in all, we had a great weekend....nothing completely noteworthy, but perfect in our little world.  I look forward to a summer full of weekends like we had.....

A little about me and the reason I decided to blog.....

My blog name was derived from an Ani Defranco song/poem that has always really moved me, and almost defines me, in a way.  

I am a 34 year old mother of two beautiful little girls (ages 6 and almost 19 months).  I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, currently I am a Reports Analyst, with a passion for writing, photography, cake decorating and throwing wonderful parties for my girls. 

I have been inspired to begin a blog for my children from many, so they can one day read my love and passion for them.  I will journal their milestones and experiences, along with my thoughts on many things I'm sure. 

I'm also engaged to the father of my children, just one reason I love him so...he's a wonderful man, with his many quirks that get under my skin, but I embrace them, and adore him.  He's a wonderful father that is full of love for his three girls (he has an older daughter, age 15, that was recently diagnosed with Chron's  disease).  He's a wonderful caring man, that would give someone the shirt off his back. 

I have the best mother God could have given me, I will never be able to vocalize or show her the love and gratitude I harbor for her, she is truly a gift.  I also have two older brothers that have helped mold me into the person I am today.

So....on to my girls....my heart outside my body....

Kenya (my almost 19 month old) is growing too quickly....and is currently recovering from a nasty little cold that caused her extreme discomfort and a fever....and in doing so is now bellowing "up Mommy!" when she wants in my arms.  Oh, her dear soul, how I love her.

And little princess Jada (my 6 year old)....she astonishes me daily with her intelligence and sweet soul.  She sat last night, as she played her game, with her arm around her sister's shoulder, knowing the unconditional love Kenya harbors for her.  While sitting with Kenya, going over animal sounds with her, teaching her, with an enormous amount of love and patience.  I adore that little girl. 

And, an admission, I'm addicted to and obsessed with the Iced Mocha Coffee from 7-11 currently, so, please bear with me as I may rattle off frequently due to caffeine overload! 

In a nutshell, this is me and my life...maybe plain and boring to some, but mine nonetheless. 

So, I leave you with a photo of the three people that, in the last 7 years, have stolen my heart from inside my body......